A few more reviews from YouWriteOn.com...
2nd review of 'The Bethlehem Fiasco'....
"I chuckled my way through your submission enjoying all of it. It is so
refreshing to read a text that sets out to be humourous and succeeds.
The setting is a good idea. The take on the biblical story is so zany
that most would love it, particularly 'God'. The dialogue sustains the
humour and keeps the story moving. Sentences are short and colourful. My
problem is finding something to say in a constructive manner. There are
a few.
1. It would help the reader if you separated paragraphs by a
space as suggested by Youwriteon.com. There are times where lack of a
space makes for confusion between who is speaking.
2, Your writing is 'happily' free of adverbs. There are a few that could be deleted for a more powerful verb.
3. There are a few typos as there always are.
4. You may get negative feedback about the zany take on religion. Ignore it.
Thanks for a good read."
3rd review of 'Man by a tree' (edited, only the good bits as the rest was nitpicking)
"I like the thinking evident in this. You've gone some way into dealing
with the morality or lack of it in your characters' lives as well as
exploiting any potential humour in their situations. The hobgoblin is
well described. I could visualise him in flight...it is well written..."
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