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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dani's Shorts 2 FREE on Amazon (4 days)

'Dani's Shorts 2' is now available on Amazon for FREE for 4 days! I just want to see if putting it out there will get people to look at it. Here is the link. Share it around, it might help. Perhaps even put on a review!
http://www.amazon.com/Danis-Shorts-2-Dani-Caile-ebook/dp/B00IHYKKG0
UPDATE: After a dozen downloads, It's already at #8,802...shows you how slow the market really is.

It's been a busy week, writing up Challenge 53, a Dora the Explorer parody, a Dr. Seuss celebration (you can see it on Sunday on TIW) and my TIW birthday celebration story, with 55 elements in 500 words - the post before this one. And I'm at 50% with my first edit of 'How to' :-)
UPDATE: I found an old note about 'How to'...of course! It's about THAT! Why, yes! Must complete it soon :-) Trying...

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour


And here it is, the First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour (Day 2...err 3)!
Day 1 (Monday) was Jordan Bell with 'The Price of Ambition' here.
Day 2 (Tuesday) was, well, err...
Day 3 (Wednesday) is..me!

But first, a word from K.A. DaVur, our illustrious leader of this fine Birthday Blog Hop :-)

"Four elements, four days, 500 words. It’s a daunting task, one that will hone the skills of any writer. It is also the premise of The Iron Writer. The Iron Writer Challenge was started one year ago by short fiction author Brian Rogers. Since it’s inception, it has grown incredibly. The site now boasts irons from seven countries and includes not only the original challenge but a non-competitive Weekend Quickie, a relay, and a site where seasoned authors give writing tips and advice. They have a networking page wherein the members share publishing opportunities, freelance work, and more. They also have a NaNoWriMo group that boasted several winners and who join together each year to “kill” the sites founder as part of their novel. The judging has evolved from a public vote to said vote combined with a rigorous judging system in order to combine literary merit with marketing skills to determine which writer has the most “metal in their mettle.” In celebration of the occasion, several Irons have elected to participate in a Birthday Blog Hop. The challenge? To write a commemorative 500 word piece of flash fiction including the following elements: iron, a quill, a birthday cake, and the favorite element from each Iron’s first challenge."

And now, a word from me :-)

To all Iron Writers, I say this to you..."Fellow knights of the Iron Writer's table, while others have appeared like mere flatulence in the wind, it is you who have steered our course true. This story is for you."


****
Waiting for the Equinox

(iron, quill, birthday cake, 1 element from 1st challenge (err...I changed this to using 1 element from all 52 named challenges, written within the story in order, except for Challenge 51 element 'no 'be' verbs' which is used throughout - well, a birthday only happens once a year, so do something special)


"Meteors outside." Tom lay his ruby red slippers over the failed superhero in the elevator and sat down on his favourite coconut opposite the family's 1880 vampire hunting kit.
"Wonderful, dear." His space monkey, Suzie, did her usual chore of cutting quills with her ginsu knives for the pregnant camel next door. They shared a smile and watched the gyroscope in the corner.
"What's on the water buffalo tonight, dear?"
"Same old, same old. Black lipstick, I think," replied Suzie, now jumping on her trampoline. The dead gypsy rested on his theremin, silent.
"Anything special for dinner?" Tom hung on the clothes line and took a bag of almonds from his own personal group of reference librarians he kept in a casket. Satisfied that the flashing neon lights on the ceiling had stopped due to the malfunctioning pole mounted electric transformer, he waved his semaphore flags and watched his pet trilobite crawl across the floor.
"Just the usual, dear. Birthday cake." Suzie paused in her jumping and tore the hand held lawn clippers from her thigh, replacing them with chopsticks. Tom banged on his 1951 Kaiser Drag'n and yodelled like Slim Whitman.
"Again? Why can't we have something else for a change! Like fried green tomatoes or banana slippers! Why do we always eat birthday cake?"
Suzie whipped her husband with a feather boa, knowing he'd love it.
"Did you have a bad day? Another fight with the live Griffin, dear? Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Oh, yes. Thank you, darling."
Suzie disappeared into their abandoned outhouse to make tea and look for the jar of bacon fat Tom so often admired. A particularly interesting dressed herring appeared on the buffalo's hind and caught Tom's attention.
"Suzie, quick! You've gotta see this!"
She came running in wearing a pair of fishnet stockings and a wooden hanger stuck on the back of her neck. They both lost interest as the Bionic Woman sailed by in a Roman merchant sailing vessel. Suzie sighed, ate the 2000 year old map of the Earth she'd saved for later and went back to making tea.
"Anything happen today, dear?" asked Tom, now fixing his motherboard with the aid of a voodoo witch doctor.
"No, dear." By the time Tom had finished saying 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious', Suzie'd brought in his cup of tea and sewed it with needle and thread to the bug zapper on the side of Tom's coconut.
"Oh, I almost forgot, my latest victim." Braving the haboob trapped within his James Bond Mini Spy Kit he'd taken to work, Tom lifted out an iron ingot, shiny and wet. "Look what I found inside a toilet roll hat."
"Oh, what a muppet! And so cute!" She stroked its back and tickled its tummy.
"Some Harpy tried to drown it in the river. Good job I had my lucky Kiwi bird on me."
"Can we...keep it?" Suzie flashed her nostrils at Tom, knowing his weakness.
"Well...okay."
Suzie laughed and punched him out.
"Thank you, darling!"

****

Visit Mamie Willoughby Pound at  www.happyeverywhere.com tomorrow for Day 4 to read their take on the elements, and don’t forget to visit www.theironwriter.com to read some amazing flash fiction or, if you think you have what it takes, sign up for a challenge :-)

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Day 1 of TIW 1st Annual Blog Tour

Day 1 of the Iron Writer Blog Hop Celebration (First Annual 2014 Iron Blog Tour) with Jordan Bell in the writing seat. It's a great story, you should go and have a look, it's one of his best.
http://jbfiction.blogspot.hu/2014/02/i-am-kicking-off-blog-tour-lets-go.html
Mine will be on Thursday.
Reading 'Flowers for Algeron'...yes, I've never read it, I'm not American. It's entertaining, has good points, bad points, but considering it was written in 1955 it's fantastic! It's a shame society hasn't caught up with the book. I haven't finished it yet, I wonder what happens...(don't spoil it, I think I know...)

Monday, February 24, 2014

Manna-X on Fatfairyfantastic.com!

Yep, please come and vote for 'Manna-X' :-)
http://www.fatfairyfantastic.com/the-guest-indies/manna-x-by-dani-j-caile/
The more votes, the more chance of the advert staying on and getting its own exclusive page (which it has ATM but who knows for how long :-) The more it stays, the greater the chance of someone seeing it!
Here it is...looks like my name is 'Dain'....


Sunday, February 23, 2014

Dora the Explorer and the Invasion of the Flying Vampires

For the first time on TIW, there's a duel in a Grudge match, where two writers 'battle it out' for the shrimp!
300 words, and 3 elements: parody of children's literature, Monster Movie title based on your name (mine DJC), and "la bala de plata".
Here's my take on the 'duel'. Stretched the 'literature' thing a bit to Dora the Explorer books, something I have to suffer every other night.
Looking forward to seeing who wins the REAL duel - find it here at TIW




Dora the Explorer and the Invasion of the Flying Vampires
(actually, this is how I read the books, but hey...UPDATE: a rule I saw just now was that the title must have the Monster Movie title and the story be about the title...well, I changed it right now so it does :-))



Hola! I'm Dora and this is my friend, Gucci. Today we're going to my Uncle Vlad's birthday party on Monster Hill. I have some blood sausages as a present. His favourite! Delicioso!
Oh no! Swiper is trying to swipe the blood sausages! Let’s stop Swiper! Say "Swiper, no manipulating the GDP and implying that the inflation rate is below 1% when it’s clearly closer to 20." Thanks for helping us stop Swi…oh, he did it. Oh, well.
Now, how do we get to Uncle Vlad’s castle on Monster Hill? Let’s ask Map. Say "Ma…!" Map has gone, but what luck! Gucci has found a sign which says "This is the way to Monster Hill". Excelente! VĂ¡monos!
We’re at the foot of Monster Hill! And here is Isa the iguana! She is reading a book, ’Invasion of the Flying Vampires’. She looks worried. Isa is Spanish. To say "hello" to Isa, we say ’Hola’. Let’s say ’Hola’ to Isa. Hola, Isa. Oh dear, she ran away.
We made it to Uncle Vlad’s castle! But look! There are some flying vampires circling above us in the sky! It's an invasion! Can you count how many there are? Let’s count in Spanish! Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis! Six flying vampires! Can you see something in Backpack which can kill them? Yes, that’s right! Silver bullets! To say "the silver bullet" in Spanish, we say ‘la bala de plata’. Say "La bala de plata?". Yay! We did it! The flying vampires have flown away! Excelente!
Here’s Uncle Vlad. He says thank you for the blood sausages, they are ‘Delicioso!’. He says we are just in time for the start of his birthday party! Thank you for helping us get to Uncle Vlad’s party and stopping the invasion of flying vampires! We did it!

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Seers, Seraphs, Immortals, and more!: GUEST POST!

Got a GUEST POST on Trace B's (or Violet's) blog! Come and see it :-)

Seers, Seraphs, Immortals, and more!: GUEST POST! I love them and you will love this gu...: 'Doubts of a self-publisher Every few months, while sitting alone by my eye-burning monitor late at night and typing..."
 'Manna-X' will also feature on Fat Fairy Fantastic (http://www.fatfairyfantastic.com/) on Monday, so look out for that one, too! You vote or review your favourite indie book, so...please do so :-)

Friday, February 21, 2014

Praise :-) But you have to work for it

Just got this post on facebook from Brian Rogers, he's a nice man :-) We're celebrating TIW 1st anniversary with a special 500 word story and I sent mine to him, to make sure he was the first to read it. This is what he said...(you'll have to wait until Thursday to see the story :-)) It's this kind of praise which keeps me going!



'Dani's Shorts 2' is beginning to move, too, now with over 50 downloads :-)
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/409062

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Editing 'How to' (17 out of 64) on authonomy

Yep, done up to the part which is on 'authonomy'. I updated it there just now, you have got to go and read it, leave a comment or something! I was giggling while editing it! Is that wrong? I don't know. Some things appeared while re-reading what I'd written. Added tags as well to help in understanding, added 2000 words in these first 17 parts out of 64. So I might be heading for 45,000+ words, definitely enough.
Go, read! Please :-)
http://authonomy.com/books/56673/how-to-build-a-castle-in-seven-easy-steps/

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Updating "Dani's Shorts 2"

Of course there were typos! It wouldn't be my work if it didn't have any...
Weekend Q6 had a missing hyperlink and now I found a few mistakes in Challenge 41, silly spelling errors and the end line was wrong. So far, nothing else...I like the book...is it wrong to read your own work and like it?
Up to page 38 of 181 in 'How to'. Can't wait to finish this first edit!!! Okay, I'll stop this and get on with it...:-)

Sunday, February 16, 2014

"Hot off the Press" AND "The Poetry Daily" :-)

Just re-edited 'Dani's Shorts 2' - the first 31 copies went out with a missing link on Weekend Quickie 6 :-(
3rd mention ever and 2nd mention in a week! :-)
Some people on Paper.li must like me :-) Thank you, Jaime Boler! :-)
"Hot off the Press" (17th Feb 2014)
http://paper.li/bookmagnet/1335938469
(under 'Stories' 2nd mention on the right)



And here's the post link for my nonsense 'sex/love' poem on 'The Poetry Daily' (11th Feb 2014)! Way-hey!!  (under 'Leisure' 3rd blog post on the right) :-) Here...http://paper.li/Gjoshi64/1309526519
....which now doesn't work because it's updated daily...oh well...

Working on "How to...", oh, and is it shining :-) 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

'Dani's Shorts 2' FREE

'Dani's Shorts 2' is now available FREE on Smashwords :-)
The 2nd six months of short stories from TIW, including 31 Challenges, 23 Weekend Quickies, 2 Relays, 1 Killing Brian and 1 poem...I think that's all :-)
Pick up your free ebook copy :-)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/409062

Friday, February 14, 2014

Editing 1 - started, honestly.

It's been difficult to motivate myself to edit 'How to'...but now I'm doing it. Completed 6 out of 64 parts, added 100+ words to each, fleshed it out a bit, made it shine a little more, and put some emotion / care into the characters.
But I wasn't ready before now. Everything that happens, happens when it should...but you must push it, you can't wait for the train to run you over.
Anyway, the proof will be in the final writing :-) Working on it :-)
Oh, and 'Dani's Shorts 2' is one 500 word story away from completion and formatting, of course :-)

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Half success AND MANGA!!!

I got 2nd place :-) ...by 2 clicks...YES, you read right, 'clicks'...my logical brain could not compute that all Jasper wanted was 'clicks'. As a self-published writer, my mind thought he wanted downloads but now I realise he could only count the 'clicks' and not the downloads - there is no way to find out where the downloads come from, but the 'clicks', yes. I'm kicking myself because I could've PESTERED 100+ more people for a 'click'...so $50 and not $125... I wanted to put my books in the school library as the kids are screaming for them but now...I can get a copy or two (the shipping price to Hungary is a killer!)
Working on the last Challenge of the year, number 52 and it looks like I'm going 'MANGA'! :-)
Then I'll need to format 'Dani's Shorts 2' and publish it on Smashwords...exciting times!
Still working on 'How to'....have to make the reader 'care'...:-)

Monday, February 10, 2014

Nonsense Poetry?

I'm still trying to get more FREE downloads for Jasper. If you know anyone who can, please pass the link to them...:-)


I also entered a comedy poetry competition with my nonsense style. Using the 'words' from my nonsense Punch and Judy for Challenge 51, plus a few others, I created a verse.
Here it is...it's a love poem...like you can tell :-)
UPDATE: This post was linked into 'The Poetry Daily' (11th Feb 2014)! Way-hey!! 
(under 'Leisure' 3rd blog post on the right) :-) Here...http://paper.li/Gjoshi64/1309526519 
(so if you've come from there, Hiya! Welcome to my blog :-))




Only for my loval smiploff

Squeening in maloppal ossmaj,
Flaffling, wheafing in the tooknaj,
Bartli henn a narted moz-yoff,
Only for my loval smiploff, only for my loval smiploff.

Fissart turt narred in kartnahnu,
Wheeking on a loozarn dahtoo,
Sissing and a flissing lovatt,
Klozzing for my crotchled hollatt, klozzing for my crotchled hollatt.

"Tunktan, Tunktan, kakat ningning,
Arragag our lovat tooning?
Karragang and dana linning.
Pah! You katta sini pingping!"

"Zazakani yuka bollmoll.
Errofalli! Para nollhall!
Fissart turt leekakat offnar,
Moolonoh-hoe kajzah tiklar!"

Wikiniking in the pilaar,
Jajtah fliff-floff under feela,
Lamar dana tutai kassa,
Lizzo geejee blaffing tassah, lizzo geejee blaffing tassah.

Squeening in maloppal ossmaj,
Flaffling, wheafing in the tooknaj,
Bartli henn a narted moz-yoff,
Only for my loval smiploff, only for my loval smiploff.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

New 5* review of 'Rage' :-)

Got a new 5 star review of 'Rage' from the glorious and gorgeous Melodie Ramone :-)
Her book, After Forever Ends, is an absolute wonder to read, her writing is fantastic. And now she's written a review for me. Thanks, Melodie, it was worth the wait!

Here it is on Amazon, but I've copied it below. A few 'Yes's on the review would be nice :-) (Just a click away)

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful, February 7, 2014
This review is from: The Rage of Atlantis (Kindle Edition)
Due to an eye injury, it took me quite a long while to finish “The Rage of Atlantis”, but every time my eyes would heal enough to pick it back up, it was an absolute pleasure. Dani J. Caile has a way with distorting reality that’s hard to quantify, other than to say he’s masterful at it. His book is filled with Fantasy, Sci Fi and high drama, all twisted into a hard hitting detective story that takes on real life issues we face in our world today. All of this, of course, happening in Atlantis.
The blend of humor and satire in this book is impressive. While serious subjects are tackled, the way they are portrayed is laugh out loud entertaining, yet, somehow, he always manages to keep his characters powerful and relatable. If I had to pick a word for this book, it would either be “brilliant” or “inspired.” I can't decide which.
I give The Rage of Atlantis Five stars, without hesitation.

53 worder and FREE download

Started editing 'How to' with a bag on my head. So far, so good.

Wrote Weekend Quickie 22 with no 'be' verb. Perhaps I'll try that in 'How to', or at least cut them down.
http://theironwriter.com/weekend-quickie-21-2/

There's also Jasper's 'Dark Space' to download if you haven't done so already (I'm in 3rd place ATM)...


And entered a 53 word story competition, the element this month (February) is a 'palm tree', so I wrote a generic 53 worder, about a box, similiar to Elizabeth John's 'The Box' at that other site I won't mention :-)

Heritage


Two feet down in the roots of the palm tree, his family's palm tree, there it was, the box.
"What's that?" asked his wife, her hard, round belly shining in the sun.
He brushed off the sand, checking the seal, still intact.
"Later, later."
Satisfied, he buried it back. For the next generation.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Challenge 51: Punch & Judy Nonsense Style

Had a pretty bad week...the only thing I could think of to help was to do Challenge 51 'nonsense' style, like Jabberwocky / different language. Some strange words came out of it...but it's just an experiment, 'making up' a language which 'feels' the way you want it to feel. A bit writing-up-my-arse but I had to try it. Here's the first few lines (the rest will be in Dani's Shorts 2 available in a few weeks). Yes, the function words can be translated, but the adjectives and verbs are 'feelings' of words...

Tunktan eh Lamar


Squening im ulm loval smay, flaffling dun, wheaped upe du kartnal, du bartli henness uff du narted yoff mitt u. Nat zark ohn loval smay, varnig loval smay. Ha!
"Tunktan! Tunktan! Offanar il? Tunktan!"
Ulm fissart turpt, e narnared imtu du kartnalnu.
"Lamar, ulm balting fiss, dute datte il dana?"
"Tunktan, ulm balting Tunktan! Luzorn wid u!"
Olm luzorn fanass du kartnalantar, sissing eh flissing ath lovatt datte.
"Pah, Lamar, il gontlo ath olm datte im olm finky lanty marr."
"Tunktan, il luzom ath il mingala datte."
Olm smuzzeed eh kluzzeed eh crottched mumuze.

'Dark Space' FREE!!!

Yes!
'Dark Space', that great little sci-fi written by my buddy Jasper T. Scott is FREE for 5 days!
So, if you haven't got it yet, you should pick it up...
For those on Amazon.com, here's the link http://bit.ly/darkspace14
For those in the UK, here's the link :-) http://bit.ly/darkspaceian
And here's his website...
http://www.jaspertscott.com/
Please click away! It's FREE!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Almost lost it


Today I opened up a little to a writing question, but the conversation was taken over by another writer and the person I was having 'a laugh' with. They went all obtuse. I thought, 'wow, some people are so much better than me'. Then I went off to sample the 'other writer's work...I was hugely disappointed, a sheep in wolf's clothing, or visa-versa maybe. I've met a TON of these writers in the last few years, they speak loud and hard, write like shit and even worse, write dull - the worst crime.
Although I'm tired and this book living inside my head is killing my sanity, I will continue. I will finish this latest short story collection, and I WILL finish this 5th book, just to spite those who think they are so goddam clever, collecting 100+ 5 star bogus reviews for their crummy books. I don't care who doesn't read my books. Someone is. Not many, but someone is. I raise my finger to bogus indies and career writers everywhere.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Latest 500 worder (TIW Ch. 50)


Dani's Shorts 2 is almost ready, just 2 more challenges to wait for and a few Weekend Quickies.
Here's a taste of what's inside....this is Challenge 50...hope you like it :-)

"Never Again"

( 4 elements - snow rollers, harpy, nail gun, motorcycle airbag)

Escaping through the door, still clutching the paper bag, he slipped and slided to where he’d left his bike. No snow had fallen since entering but a cold penetrating wind had begun, cutting through his thick ski jacket and woollen undergarments. Climbing onto his bike, he placed the key into the ignition and fired her up. By his reckoning, he had a few minutes jump on the beast. With both feet on the ground, he rode his bike out of the carpark and took the quickest way home, along the farm road and through the forest. There was a loud smash behind him as though a window had been broken. It was free.
"Goddamn it!”
He revved his motorbike to max and sped down the road, hitting bumps and almost losing his seating once or twice. The bike bounced badly once more and he narrowly stopped himself from joining the large snow rollers in the fields to his left. Sighing with relief, he heard an ominous sound of beating wings overhead. With a screech, the Harpy divebombed him, scratching its claws into his helmet, but he swerved to the right preventing it from keeping its grip. It screamed in frustration as it saw the forest appear, forcing it to fly higher, unable to get to him.
Once in the cover of the forest, the Harpy could only follow him from a distance and he felt safer. He looked up to see its progress and his bike hit a rock, sending it straight into a tree, head-on. Luckily, he’d listened to his uncle’s advice and bought a Honda Gold Wing with airbag instead of some fancy speed killer. But even with the airbag, his helmet broke in two and rather shakily, he picked up the paper bag and left his beloved bike, running through the deep snow in the direction of home.
A few metres into the cover of the trees, he noticed Old Ted’s place, a small wooden hut, and he remembered something. Clearing the snow from the outside workbench, he found what he was looking for, Old Ted’s portable combustion nailer. Losing no time at all, he turned around and started shooting nails at the Harpy, who was now racing towards him on foot through the snow. The nails had no effect on the creature.
He dropped the now useless nail gun and ran back into the forest, but to no avail, the Harpy clutched onto his back and flung him down into the soft virgin snow. Its claws ripped at his jacket and he could do nothing to stop its onslaught. The end had come.
"Oh, alright! Take it, goddamn you!”
He threw the paper bag as far away as possible and the Harpy scurried away to retrieve it. Searching in the snow, with a screech, it took the paper bag and devoured its contents. Sitting up watching, he pointed his finger at the beast.
"But I’m telling ya, that’s the last time I’m taking you to KFC!”

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Publishing in 2 weeks

Did some tinkering with 'Dani's Shorts 2' cover, seeing as it's only 2 more weeks before it has a chance of 'publication'. See the cover below...
Talking of publication, I've written 2 short stories for 2 anthologies, 1 is accepted (Attack of the Killer Pogo Sticks) and the 2nd is now being read (Tracer's Choice (steampunk)). But as to when they'll be published, who knows...