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Thursday, August 28, 2014

TIW Challenge 80 my take on my challenge :-)


Challenge 80 in TIW is 'The Dani J Caile Challenge' :-)
The elements look 'soft' (as Mathew W. Weaver mentioned), but that's to bring out the creativity of the writers. To raise the stakes a little, here's my own 'take' of my own Challenge :-)
Can you guess what this is a parody of? First person to get it right wins a sweetie (from Mathew).


TIW Challenge 80

(elements: a Furby, Dr Pepper, a Peel Trident car, a lost Emperor)



 A Pox on your lips later


You never get what you want, you get what you need. I needed a case. And for my stupidity, I got one. So here I was, stuck in a dingy cafe in the middle of some unforgettable metropolis, getting ready to finish this dirty business.
His credentials were amazing. Emperor Klutz was one of the most outstanding rulers of his time. A man of wealth, wit and banter, and a devil with the sabre. He’d opened more corner shops than any personage before him, supported any animal charity that dared to stand at his huge granite pillared gates, and run through a hundred or more oppugners who had the audacity to laugh at his customised Furby.
Then the cracks started to appear, talking to plants, leaving little love notes for Santa Claus wherever he went, and shopping at Tesco’s, remarking on how much more expensive other shops seemed to be in comparison. Finally, after an intense 3 hour session at a Children’s Playhouse, he lost contact with reality, leaving from the carpark in his prized 3 wheeler bubble top Peel Trident car with only his Furby in the detachable shopping basket for company.
After a while, reports came in of unflattering as-yet-unseen photos showing famous world leaders in certain compromising positions being posted across most of the largest internet network websites, all linking back to this one lost emperor. He was spilling the beans on them all and they wanted him stopped. Disconnect with extreme prejudice. Extreme prejudice.
An informant had told me his little red car had been seen parked behind a seedy strip club on the darkest side of town. With two refills of the blackest, thickest coffee this dump could serve inside me, I made my way there.
"I wouldn’t drink from that if I were you. You’ll get a pox on your lips later," said an aristocratic voice behind me. I left my untouched drink at the bar and slid into his booth, unlit except for a scented candle placed on the table next to his infamous Furby. He sipped on a can of Dr Pepper.
"You know, Dr Pepper is so unique. You cannot say what it tastes like because it's so different. It's not apple, nor strawberry, not even a root beer, nor cola. It's a different kind of drink with a unique taste all its own."
"U-nye-noh-lah," squeeked the Furby.
"Where are you from…Brad?" He knew my name, the game was up.
"Out of town."
"Whereabouts?"
"Thereabouts."
"How far from the river?"
"Far."
"Wee-tee-kah-wah-tee," said the Furby.
"Have you ever considered…chickens?"
This man was clearly insane. They were right, he needed to be stopped.
"I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to unplug you."
"I have Wifi."
All it took was one call to a guy who owed me a favour and he was off, off from the net, disconnected from the mass of media websites hungry for his tasteless sleaze. He placed his tablet down and sighed.
"Oh, the horror, the horror…"


Dani's Shorts 3 available on Smashwords FREE

Yes, I put all the TIW stories and things from the past 6 months together and brought out Dani's Shorts 3 on Smashwords for FREE yet again. Come and get your copy now. I'm working on putting it on Amazon through Createspace just so I can get a paperback copy and some exposure for the ebook.
Dani's Shorts 3
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/470944



TDX2 also surpassed 400 FREE copies! Hooray! :-)
AND I have a special challenge on TIW, Challenge 80 at
http://theironwriter.com/
I'll type up my own 'take' later. It's 'special' :-)

Monday, August 25, 2014

TIW my take on 77

Trying to finish up DS3, one more challenge to write up and then I can work on publishing it. Here's my take on TIW Challenge 77 (see the 4 original stories here...http://theironwriter.com/challenge-77/ - Jordan Bell won this challenge by the judges decision.)

Ted's Lucky Cap

(77 - A Suit of Armor, A Pitcher’s Mound, Gluten Free, Locke’s Socks)


Jeff sat there in the dugout eating his apple baked gluten free oatmeal cake and stared out through his taped up presription glasses.
"Hey, Ted! How many are we down?"
"Three runs and four players."
"Eh? Four players?" Jeff continued to grind his way through his snack. He was up to the plate soon and needed the energy.
"The way that pitcher's throwing, you'll need a suit of armour out there. Never seen so many body hits."
"I did hear something about this guy being the 'hit by pitch' champion last season."
Another victim got hit, falling to the ground as the small crowd groaning in sympathy. The umpire shouted back to the pitcher about going easy on the body shots but all the guy did was stand there on the mound and shrugged his shoulders.
"Lousy pitches."
"I remember when you tried a few up on the pitcher's mound, Jeff. Couldn't even get the ball to the catcher."
The remainder of the oatmeal cake went down the wrong way and another player had to punch him in the back to stop him choking to death. Once he'd got his breath back, Ted continued.
"But they're up by three. And we're only in the second."
"Good point. I guess you gotta get out there and show that guy what you're made of, Ted." Jeff laughed, knowing Ted had some of the worst batting stats in the club's history, with .185 last season and a struggling .206 in this.
"Nah, my lucky cap ain't feeling right today. Think I'm gonna do as coach says, hit for a single and get those bases loaded." Ted turned his moth-eaten cap around and around on his head. It had so many patches, Jeff wondered whether any original part still existed.
"That cap of yours is like Locke's sock."
"Whose sock? It's a cap not a sock. Why the hell would I put a smelly old sock on my head. And who's Locke? Does he play on first base?"
"No, that's Hu."
"Who?"
"Yeah, him, the Chinese guy."
"Oh, him."
"No, I'm saying that there's nothing left of that lucky cap of yours."
Ted inspected his cap and nodded.
"Same as this team. We’re the only members left from the old team who won the league two years ago. Is it the same? No, it ain't."
"Nebrowski! You're up!" shouted the coach to Ted.
"Damn," whispered Ted under his breath.
"Want me to hold your hand, Ted?" asked Jeff, drinking his plain milk.
"Hold my hand? No way. Looks like you struck out there, Jeff, ha! Nah, I'm gonna go and hit that pitcher for a home run."
"Yeah, go for it, Ted. You're a great player, a wonder. We wonder why you're here." The rest of the dugout laughed with Jeff as Ted walked to the plate. One curveball and a slider later, Ted hit the third pitch, a changeup, for a home run.
"Way ta go, Ted!"
"It's the cap, Jeff, the cap!"



Sunday, August 17, 2014

Back again!

Yes, finally got internet again.
Busy.
Hopefully I'll be working on a little story for another anthology, and soon finish off 'Dani's Shorts 3' :-)
'Torn' transformed into a novella but now has turned into the next novel, the 2nd in the series of 'How to' books.
And 'How to' (1) is still at the publishers, still looking for a cover designer but now has an editor!
So, please, keep popping over here, maybe there'll be something to see soon.
My latest TIW Weekend Quickies are up, if you'd like to have a read :-)
http://theironwriter.com/weekend-quickie-48/
http://theironwriter.com/weekend-quickie-49/

Saturday, August 2, 2014

TIW Challenge 76 - my take

At the moment, I'm not so into descriptions, so I had a go at this week's (next week's) TIW challenge with just dialogue, the 2 characters from that old TIW story "Miley Cyrus?". Yes, its the father and daughter once again... :-) Hope you like it.


A Lost Generation
Challenge 76



(a pink fairy armadillo, Mason jar, Mount St. Helen, a Wii U)

"You still on that…thing?"
"It’s a Wii U, Dad."
"We, you, me?"
"Dad."
"A what?"
"A Wii U Gamepad to be precise. See, it’s connected to the TV. You bought it, Dad, and you don’t remember what it is?"
"I got the latest thing for you but I didn’t know you’d be on it all day and night. How about doing something else?"
"Like what?"
"Err, your homework?"
"It’s the holidays, Dad."
"No projects to do?"
"Done."
"How about your drawing? Why don’t you do some of that?"
"Not in the mood. I’d rather play Mario."
"What about your…err…dolls?"
"Dolls? Dad, I’m fourteen, I stopped playing with Barbie a long time ago."
"Come on, you must have some other hobbies?"
"Not really."
"Err…your postcard collection? I remember you used to beg me to bring some back with me when I went on a trip."
"It’s up there. Haven’t touched them for months."
"There! Your rock collection, all those rocks on the windowsill, including a rock from the pyroclastic flows of Mount St. Helen. Why don’t we go out in the car and find some real interesting specimens over in the gravel pits?"
"No thanks, Dad."
"What…what about pets? You were doing so well with that…what was it?"
"A pink fairy armadillo, Dad. You could’ve bought me a terrapin like any ordinary parent."
"What was wrong with a…a…what was it again?"
"A pink fairy armadillo. Wrong with it? I guess you didn’t know that 95% of them in captivity die of stress and diet within eight weeks."
"You had it for…?"
"Four weeks."
"I don’t recall…what happened to it?"
"The neighbour’s cat got to it. Look, I put what I could find in that Mason jar."
"Yuck. Yeah, right, okay. Well, erm, what about that embroidery stuff you had? You loved that!"
"Benny poked his eye with a needle and Mum threw it all in the trash."
"Uh-huh. It was strange, that. He walked around for hours with that thing sticking out of the centre of his pupil. He didn’t tell us because it didn’t hurt. I worry about that kid…friends, your friends, what about your friends? Why don’t you call one of them up, see what they’re up to?"
"I’ve got seven of them online right now, on chat, and I’m also playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with one of them."
"Oh, right. Well, aren’t you going to invite them over?"
"Four are out of state, two are in Europe and one is in hospital."
"Oh dear, is she okay?"
"He. Bone marrow transplant. Not so pleasant."
"No, quite. Where’s your mother?"
"Out."
"And your brother?"
"Cycling around the estate with his mates. Want some popcorn?"
"Err, sure, okay. So, what are you playing?"
"Thought I said. Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Wanna try?"
"Err, why not! Hand it over."
"I’ll go and get some drinks."
"Hey! This is cool! Why didn’t you say before?"
"Where have you been for the last 10 years, Dad?"
"Have…hey!...have you got any racing games?"