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Saturday, March 28, 2015

The Amazon.com BULLY...closing my account???

I published "Dani's Shorts 4" on Amazon Kindle for 99c (it's available on Smashwords for FREE https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/529075) about a week ago. No one buys a copy from there, but whatever.
In the past week, I have received 4 emails from Amazon KDP telling me that they suspect "Dani's Shorts 4" is not my work (???!!). They say that if I believe it IS, then I should click the button agreeing so...I did that 3 times.
This last email, however, seemed more serious. Actually, it was the same as the last 3 but maybe I realised the implications of what they were saying. If THEY believe it is NOT my work (and they haven't once shown me any evidence of this), they will block this book. They will then block all of my other books on Amazon Kindle, and close my Amazon account.

On their side, there are a few 'collaborations' in "Dani's Shorts 4" with Mathew W. Weaver
(http://ramblingsandraving.blogspot.hu), Christopher A Liccardi (http://www.caliccardi.com) with
Jordan Bell (http://jbfiction.blogspot.hu/). They are, however, a tiny fraction of the whole, perhaps 5 or 6 of the 150+ pieces (if you want to count them, download it from Smashwords) and they have already given me consent to publish them. When they get an Amazon account, I will add their names to the book.

In fact, as of yesterday, they have ALREADY blocked "Dani's Shorts 4" on Amazon Kindle and are threatening to block the rest, including my first 4 novels and the other 3 collections of "Dani's Shorts" which I do actually sell...about 1 copy a month but hey!, I wrote those, I slaved over my computer and poured out words, killed my brain, destroyed my posture...

I wrote them a 'human' email, but all I got back was the same email yet again, warning me of what will happen.

Do I resubmit "Dani's Shorts 4" in the hope that they see sense or a different view?

Do I sit back and watch my whole cumulation of work disappear from Amazon Kindle, regardless of any evidence given/taken, without trial or judgement (other than theirs)?

Do I let the Amazon.com Bully tell me that I didn't write my own work?

Wasn't it me who wrote all that stuff? Well, they're trying to tell me I didn't...I'm confused...

What do you think?



Saturday, March 21, 2015

Dani's Shorts 4 FREE!

'Dani's Shorts 4' is now available on Smashwords! For FREE, of course.
If you'd like a paperback, it's on Amazon but then you have to pay...Amazon Kindle is giving me some crap about it being free elsewhere...yep...lol
The last 6 months of my takes on TIW challenges, plus a few pieces from Scallywag and Spanky Strawberry Slokovich...plus a few other TIW writers :-)
You should go check it out, there are some gems in there, hidden messages, hamburgers, and maybe even some fries!
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/529075


Sunday, March 15, 2015

6th review of "How to" :-)

I think this guy understands...I was thinking the other day, there are thousands of self-pub writers and small indie writers like me out there, but not many of them write something 'special'...maybe I'm one of them. I don't write clones, I'm not any old sci-fi / fantasy / zombie / thriller / erotica...whatever writer, there's something else about it...I remember an old mate said about my first "Man by a tree"...he said "Good book, but I keep getting the feeling I'm missing out on something bigger, something hidden, something you're not telling me, secrets..."
Damn right :-)
Thanks, John Crowder for the great little review :-)


5.0 out of 5 stars How To Build a Castle In Seven Easy Steps is twisted and bizarre and hilariousMarch 15, 2015
How To Build a Castle In Seven Easy Steps is twisted and bizarre and hilarious, the type of book that is experienced rather than simply read. And who can dislike a book that has cannibals in it? I feel like I've stumbled upon something special in finding Mr. Caile's work and I look forward to reading more. Highly recommended.


Friday, March 13, 2015

Another Great "How to" Review!

Another great review from yet another TIW writer, this time Laura Roberts, erotica writer extraordinaire! Her blog is over here at Buttontapper Press.

And now to the review .-)
http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B00SOZYR6G

...which is also copied here :-)

4.0 out of 5 stars Medieval mayhem, mastication and mirth March 12, 2015
by Laura Roberts
Format:Kindle Edition
As a cat lover, I was perhaps more inclined to follow the cat, though exciting adventures hooted and hollered from other directions. Witches and monsters and invading armies, oh my! On the other hand, why follow the cat when you can find out how to build your very own castle? You see? Dilemmas at every turn!

It seems most of Caile's characters are quite obsessed with soup -- finding it, eating it, the cat slurping some out of your bowl -- and, as per the book's description, someone is actually turned into soup (yikes!), so perhaps their soup obsession is right and proper, given such nefarious soup-related activity. In any case, definitely beware officials bearing parchment -- no good can come of it.

Wandering hags on the other hand... well, it's a toss-up!

Grab yourself a jar of something that'll addle your brain and enjoy this medieval comedy over the next fortnight or two.




Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Interview and story with 'Spanky Strawberry Slokovich :-)

I'd like to welcome Spanky Strawberry Slokovich, winner of the "Escribe de' Trois" challenge over at TIW. Spanky, hello.
"Whoopie fishie fishie."
Yes. Now, please tell us how you wrote this fine story of yours.
"Spinky winky fank dank."
Right. Thank you, Spanky...
A nice profile picture...




And to round this off, here's Spanky's story...



"Escribe de'Trois" Challenge – Up in the Trees


(a tree stand, star dust, edible underwear)

by Spanky Strawberry Slokovich


Gark the bear settled himself down in the undergrowth under the star-filled sky, munching on some berries he’d picked up earlier and watched his weekly hunter entertainment. Dave, tall and lanky, was over in the tree on the left, while Bob, a fat ball of a man, on a tree to the right. They both sat there in their state-of-the-art-the-best-money-can-buy tree stands some twenty feet up, their guns loaded and ready as they scanned the forest for movement. Not a soul was about. They’d already been up there half the night and looked about ready to quit.
“What does it all mean, Bob?” asked Dave, lowering his gun and staring up at the stars.
“‘It’s a pronoun, Dave,” replied his overly-chubby partner.
“No, Bob, ‘it’, the ultimate question.”
“Oh.”
“Looking up at that sky, it makes me feel…insignificant, you know.”
“You are insignificant, Dave.”
“Shut up, Bob.”
“Right.”
“No, I mean, I feel like we’re all just ‘cosmic dust’ in the universe.”
“Oh yeah, right. Deep, Dave, real deep. Like star dust, you mean?”
“Stardust? That was a shit movie.”
 “Come on, Dave. Any film with Michelle Pfeiffer in it is worth a look.”
“Good point.”
Gark scratched himself and accidentally snapped a twig. Both hunters aimed their guns out into the forest below, searching, but finding nothing. He heard Dave’s stomach growl louder than his Aunt Nellie’s.
“So, what have you got, Bob?”
“Eh?”
“The food, the food. What have you got?”
“Erm…nothing?”
“What? But it was your turn to bring the food!”
Dave’s shouting upset an animal some distance away, causing it to flutter and squawk away into the night.
“Shhh, we’re not gonna shoot anything if you shout like that.”
“Are you telling me that you didn’t bring ANYTHING?”
“Erm, well, I do have something.”
“Great. I thought we were done for. What have you got?”
“You won’t like it.”
“You didn’t bring dry roasted peanuts again, did you? You know I hate them.”
“No, not that.”
“Well?”
“Erm, well...”
“Yes?”
“Well, you know, I hadn’t actually planned on being here with you tonight.”
“Yeah, I know. You had that date with Maisy, the bird at the diner. But she had to change shifts at short notice. Sad.”
“Yep.”
Gark looked on as Bob sat in silence and Dave came to some hideous realisation, one he truly didn’t like.
“No.”
“What?”
“No, Bob, don’t tell me.”
“Come on, at least it’s something.”
“I am NOT going to eat them!”
“Very nutritional, you know, edible underwear.”
“Oh, come on!”
Bob had already reached into his camouflage trousers and ripped off a large chunk of candy-tasting pink boxers. Dave’s stomach roared once more, one Gark would have been proud of.
“Oh, go on, then. Throw me over a bit.”
“What would you prefer? Front or back?”
Gark choked on his berries, only to lift his head to find two barrels aimed straight at him. Ever heard the joke of the bear crapping in the woods? No rabbit this time.



Wednesday, March 4, 2015

2 new FANTASTIC REVIEWS for "How to" ! :-)

Yes, they're starting to come in, those lovely reviews of people who were so kind to read my stuff :-)

The first new review is on Amazon.co.uk...from a regular reader of mine!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps-ebook/dp/B00SOZYR6G

By Frank Clark
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Well written tale. with lots of dialogue to paint a picture of utter chaos in a time before history began when man was obsessed with food and land.
Look out for the "Dani Speciality" twist at the end.

And the second is from the goddess Danielle Lee Zwissler (bow to her immenseness!) Not only did she do the kindness to read and review my book, but she also put me on her blog for the day! 

Oh, here's the review...

5.0 out of 5 stars Hide yo cat, Hide yo soup! Give this book 5 Stars! March 4, 2015
Format:Kindle Edition
This is one of those "laugh out loud" and "look around the corner" type books. Dani Caile, with his satirical humor, his way with words--and--soup, bring you "How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps." This book has everything you need from Cats, to Soup, to Sorcery, to...well, you're just going to have to read it to get the gist of this review.

And you will be glad you did.

Check it out, but only after you hide the cat, and get rid of any medium to large sauce pan. :)

If you haven't got yourself a copy, then now's the time!


Monday, March 2, 2015

3rd review for "How to"! :-)

Yes! Another great review of "How to Build a Castle in Seven Easy Steps"!
See it here..
http://www.amazon.com/Build-Castle-Seven-Easy-Steps/dp/1940938430
Or read it here and then take a look later :-)

Hold onto your hat!
By Kiw1 on March 1, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition
Whew! This is a roller-coaster ride of full-on wise-cracks, injustices and cynicism that tumbles the imagination and batters the senses. And then there’s soup, witches, cannibalism, soup, battles, a cat, soup and various mad humans … one of whom just may be DaSoul, the Chosen One (it helps). Hold onto your hat when you delve into this world. Otherwise you may be the flavouring in one of those delicious soups…oh, and it's well written!