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Friday, January 31, 2014

Rewrote Challenge 49...The Muppet Show! :-)

Yes, I just didn't feel that my entry for Challenge 49 was any good, really. It was okay, but not up to a high standard. As it stands, I won't win the challenge, and I don't need to, being only a substitute for someone who pulled out.
BUT...one of the elements was 'a muppet', so I couldn't just NOT do a Muppet sketch, now could I?

I put it in the comments on the page, and if you can leave a comment, I'd love that :-)
http://theironwriter.com/challenge-49/
Please! A comment...:-)
But hey, here it is anyway...

Muppet Respect


"What's on?"
"Let's see...oh, right, the Muppet Show! Always good for a laugh."
We sat down on the sofa to get ready for some entertainment.
"Kermit! We've gotta have that flamingo dancing act on right now!" Scooter came racing backstage.
"But Miss Piggy is stuck in the elevator!" said Kermit.
"Kermie! Get me outta here!"
"We're working on it, Miss Piggy!"
The elevator engineer turned to the camera.
"If you'd kept to the maximum weight restrictions..."
"I heard that!"
"Kermit!" shouted Scooter.
"Send in the clowns!"
A collection of crazy clowns with chainsaws ran onto the stage. Kermit heard the sound of screams from the audience and the motors slicing through limbs.
"Send out the clowns!"
A clown with a bloody chainsaw came back offstage.
"What? We're killing them out there!"
"That's my problem! Scooter, get them off the stage!"
The clowns left, disappointed.
"No one likes clowns anymore."
"Especially with chainsaws," retorted Kermit. Fonzie appeared with a green zombie.
"I'll go on, Kermit, with my new partner, Braindead."
"But he's a zombie!"
"And you're gonna hold that against him?"
Scooter appeared again.
"Kermit, they've started throwing food!"
"Oh, Kermie! When exactly are you going to get me outta here?" asked Miss Piggy, still stuck.
"In a moment, Miss Piggy!"
The engineer shook his head and restarted his cutting torch.
"I promise!"
"Now they're throwing their colostomy bags and Prosthetic limbs!"
Gonzo walked by with an artificial leg.
"Hey, I can use this in an act.Where's my wonderful Camilla? Camilla?"
Fonzie went down on one knee.
"Please, Kermit, please!"
"Oh, okay, then! Go! Get out there!"  Kermit sighed.
The music started and the double act went on, wearing large blonde wigs.
"I tell ya Fonzie, I got stuck in an elevator the other day for 3 hours!"
"3 hours! Kerrrrrmiiiiie!" shouted Miss Piggy offstage.
"3 hours?" asked Fonzie.
"Yeah, it was torture."
"Well, that's nothing. I got stuck on an escalator for six!" Fonzie looked towards the audience, accompanied by a drum roll and cymbal crash.
Statler and Waldorf woke up in their balcony seats.
"If I had a joke that flat..."
"...it would be a pancake!" They both laughed.
Braindead was now holding a sign showing a red cross painted over a sine function.
"Hey, what ya doing?"
"I'm protesting against Trigonometry."
"Really, well, what's that?"
"It's a 'stop sine'."
Another drum roll and cymbal crash. Statler and Waldorf started again.
"Well, that one really 'divided' the audience."
Fonzie tried to ignore them.
"What have you got there, buddy?"
"It's Bruce Lee's "Tao of Jeet Kune Do"." Braindead was eating it. "I like to read and digest a book."
There were a few laughs.
"Man, I don't know about you, but I'm always hungry an hour after eating Chinese."
Statler and Waldorf beat the drums.
"I don't know about you, but I found that one 'wonton'."
Drum roll and cymbal crash.
Fonzie and Braindead left the stage.
"How did it go, Fonzie?" asked Kermit.
"Don't ask, just don't ask."





Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Blog Tour - Special Attraction by M.L. Ryan

I promised to do this, and I do it with pleasure :-)

'Special Attraction' by M.L. Ryan
(The Coursodon Dimension Vol #3 - Paranormal Romance/Fantasy (18+; There is some adult language and sexual situations))

My review...

I’m not really into reading about a young blonde shape shifter named Hailey who, while on the trail of a murderer from another dimension, finds a dog and calls him Rufus. But the light humour within the main character held it all together for me. It's not often an author tries a little humour in this genre. The rest, however, the ’hawk to human’ transformation, the ’working with a team from another dimension who are superior to humans’ scenario, the ’haven’t really cottoned on to the obvious’ parts of the story, they've been done before...BUT not like this. With a smooth written style and light humour, this book is a fine example of its genre. Even though she was blonde, I found myself liking the main character and following her story, waiting for the next step. I recommend this to those who like to read this genre.

I'll give it 4 stars for trying to be different :-)



Buy Links
Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HBJ6340
Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/388212
CreateSpace: https://www.createspace.com/4574172

Author Bio
M.L. Ryan is a professional woman - which is not to say that she gave up her amateur status, but rather that she is over-educated with a job that reflects her one-time reluctance to leave school and get "real" work – and she spends a lot of time in that profession reading highly technical material.

She has many stories rolling around in her head, and she finally decided to write some of them. She prefers literature that isn’t saddled with excruciating symbolism, ponderous dialogue or worldly implications. She also doesn’t like plots so reliant on love at first sight that it makes her feel like her head might implode.

She lives in Tucson, Arizona with her husband and teenage son, four cats, two dogs and an adopted desert tortoise.

Social Media Links 

Giveaway: There is also a giveaway for this tour. $25 Amazon Giftcard or PayPal Cash. 

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ZmY2YTRmMWY3Mjc5Y2EzMGNkNjRiZDc0MmI2ODFmOjI0/




Monday, January 27, 2014

Anthology heaven

Newsflash: Rage will be 'FREE' on Amazon tomorrow : 28th January :-)

Before I delve into editing 'How to'...I'm even thinking of changing the title to "How to build a clan in seven easy steps"...I have the chance to get into a few anthologies :-)
I'm already in The Iron Writer anthology 2013-2014, with seven (so far) 500 word stories, and I'm promised a 3000 worder in a "Celebrating 50s Horror movies" type anthology. There is also a chance of another short story in a Steampunk anthology. I have a little time to do it...it is a difficult genre for me to write in, but I already have a plot and the opening scene. The genre is very detailed, very precise, lots of...well, it's new for me. Interesting but new.
And THEN 'How to' - I read a few pages and it needs some work, so don't expect a quick publish :-) A little time is needed....but it's definately something worth waiting for :-)

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Finished 1st draft of 'How to'

38,000 words. Took over 4 months of sneaking a minute here, a few minutes there...
Now I need to read it, edit, check characters, add names, add more description, maybe get it up to 45-50,000 - would be nice.
Here's the spiel...:-)


No one was injured in the making of this book. However, there may be some casualties when reading....
In an ancient long-forgotten deranged land obsessed with power, greed and mud, a boy called Norby stands up to the problems around him. His is a typical story of 'boy meets girl, boy turns into soup, escapes, boy meets girl again, boy is kidnapped and becomes the 'chosen one' for a tribe of canibalistic vampirish desire-driven crazed warriors, boy leads them into battle, loses the chance of a lifetime to bed hundreds of Amazonian women and finally wins the girl'. 

If you thought 'Manna-X' was 'out there', this one will hurt...


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Won TIW Winter Open!!!! :-)

Yes! I won it! Thank you to all who contributed their time and vote :-) Without you I couldn't have won!
This is the highest accolade I've ever achieved....3 challenges, 1 grudge match, 2 elimination rounds and now 1 Open final :-)
Now I'm in the Championshop Annual Final in May 2014 sometime...and a chance to win a free book cover design :-)

In fact, without you, I am nothing except a guy writing stuff on his computer...so, again, THANK YOU for your continued support! 'Dani's Shorts 2' and 'How to' are coming very soon...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

So close to finishing 1st draft of 'How to'

Going through the 'battle' scene in 'How to'...getting there, really. All I need is a little quality time...then I'll get to the badass bit where I read it :-) Some characters aren't even named yet, they have their own life (emotions, habits,etc) but no name...I chose to name the bad characters with anagrams of 'career' authors - those writers who churn out yet another brain-sucking book every 3-6 months, earning tons of money and keeping the general readership (and so the world population) at a certain not-so-high awareness level - they dumb down the masses, and the good characters are named after anagrams of authors I respect, ones who may have been 'career' writers in their time but also created something FANTASTIC in the literary world or at least made an impression. The hero, 'Norby'...is in fact Byron...he's not a favourite of mine, but he created some wonderful work. I also named places in the same way, leaving the 'evil' place without changing the name...yes, the place is so evil...the settlement is called....you guessed it..."Grisham" :-)

Sunday, January 19, 2014

What are they doing with movies nowadays?

I watched a few movies some friends said are worth the time. They weren't.
One was "The Day of the Siege", it's got a 3.3 razing on imdb. I see why. Not only is it slow, the actors stand there and open their mouths a lot, what they say is stupid and what they say is that Christianity is fantastic and any other religion is not...
The other was "Justin and the Knights of Valour", with a 6.0 rating. Oh dear. Great graphics, typical adventure story but such a bad script AND what was worse than the scrip was the casting! I have rarely heard such bored actors reading their parts. OK, they all try but they're as into their roles as soggy diapers. They kill every line...lines which are pretty awful.
Who are these scriptwriters?
Who are these actors?
Who are these producers who make these movies?
Who knows, but they're lucky, that's what they are. Terrible at what they do, but lucky all the same.
And who are the backers of these movies? Give me some time and money and I'll write you something to blow your socks off! Oh, I have...'How to' skeleton is slowly coming to completion, then character fixes, scene and description fixes...:-) Soon, soon...